I'm a part of the Her Campus Blogger Network and I got an email about this campaign. Now I'm not really into inspirational quotes, but here it is. I like it. I sometimes get a fear of death, what happens if I don't succeed and a fear of not having those I love around me. Now I realize this picture is promoting traveling (Contiki - a vacation company) but this honestly spoke to me for something different.
You can tell I'm getting serious because the text is aligned to the left.
Now see I'll be graduating high school in a few months. I'm taking that it's not a shock that I'm only in high school seeing as I look like an uncomfortable baby. And in the past few weeks, I've been feeling this heart wrenching feeling, banning anything nostalgic and crying (yes crying I've been stressed leave me alone) about the Fall.
Why cry? I mean, I love the college I'm going to and I've got it all pretty much set. I'm not scared about the work and the idea of living/perusing one's goals. I'm not moving. So why do you fucking cry you're so fortunate I literally have a stack of applications to do~. I know I know let me explain.
I don't take goodbyes well. At all. I'm a strong person and I present myself to be so. I walk a lot more confidently than I should. But really, goodbyes just aren't my thing. Example, I knew people from my middle school for 12 years. TWELVE YEARS. My middle school made this elaborate leaving and I just could not stop crying. I considered them to be my family.
The same goes for high school. Maybe it's a little less family and maybe it's a bit more exclusive, but I consider people as family. Only child problems. (ok seriously you'll call your friend your sister so easily it's hilarious) I love two people from my school so much. And they're the ones that are moving. I don't want their plan to change at all. What it is is that I don't want to say goodbye. I can't stand the image of standing on someone's front yard, helping them pack their parents' car and having to say goodbye. I can't stand it. Goodbyes just hurt my heart so badly, that's fact.
"You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough." - Mae West
Summary: college is going to make some immense distance for me. I never realized that. But the quote shows me a sliver of hope. That love is worth the fight and almost pays me by giving me this golden adventure, one that opens up new paths. And I've figured out that there's more to my upcoming world of distance than sadness and ache. There's time, untouched highways, travel abroad and SO MUCH TIME.
So my aching chest has turned bittersweet for the meantime. I think I just love a lot. High school wasn't that bad. I'm excited to move forward and to have more time. Currently the days are counting down till that goodbye, thus my anxiety due to the stress from my sense of time. But when that countdown ends, time continues. Life continues. So do relationships. It's a bit sad that I'm just now realizing this haha.
wow I just did a real blog post.